Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Scream I

Have you seen it? Where the Wild Things Are? Growing up, Spike Jonze was my favorite music video director. As a grown up, Dave Eggers is my favorite author that I've never read. The two creative masters somehow met, obviously in some creative way, and co-wrote the screenplay to the movie, Where the Wild Things Are.

One of the opening scenes, perhaps the very, portrays, Max, the pajama bearing protagonist exercising his own creative genius to ambush his teenage sister, Claire, & her friends with snowballs as they leave the house. His plan works perfectly, the kids exit the front door and Max's brilliantly choreographed attack ensues. Once his ammunition is out, Max triumphantly retreats to his igloo fort grinning ear to ear. All of a sudden, his mood is suddenly and literally crushed as one of Claire's friends pounces on the fort decimating it, burying Max and his bliss. The teenagers split, oblivious to the mess they've created and Max erupts with tears, snot and saliva. In this constellation, the flushed cheeks, runny nose, and agitated breathing, this is the first moment in the film where the audience is reminded of what it felt like to be nine. The rest of the movie, scene by scene, reminds the audience of that feeling in equally direct or more roundabout ways—not ignoring the bliss, but focusing on the frustration. From Max's tantrums at home to the howling on the island's cliffs, Where the Wild Things Are is one collective scream; a shout against the ineptitude of childhood; a cry against a world that is incomprehensible; a plea for attention; a yell for someone to come and institute some order and understanding on the island of prepubescence.

This collective scream reminds me of another epic yell. Did you see the movie, Garden State? Perhaps you heard of it. I actually didn't know who Zach Braff was before this movie—no Scrubs at that point in my life. I did, however, know all of the great bands featured in the movie's soundtrack. Basically, write a script about a pretty typical American twenty-something's life. Add an unusual element to the story for hipness—like a friend who has a mansion because he successfully marketed silent velcro—and then play a bunch of awesome songs in the background and you've got a solid movie, Garden State.

One of the closing scenes portrays the main characters of the film donning trash bag rain coats standing on top of an abandoned bus that sits at the bottom of a landfill—I think, can't actually remember if it is a natural gorge or landfill converted junk yard. At this point in the film, the crew has spent the entire day running errands, to what is an unclear end. Regardless of whether they are winners or losers, what is obvious is that they are at the end of their scavenger hunt. Rain is coming down, and it is time to call it quits. Just as the audience settles into emotional coma, Zach and his two friends climb unto this bus and scream, first Zach, and then all three in unison. They scream with everything, they scream with every respiratory muscle from feet to lips. This is it; this is the moment where the film transcends from musical candy to art. This is where the predominantly twenty-something audience wakes up and feels a personal connection, because this is the scream of our generation, the howl of generations past. It is the yell against a world of insurmountable problems--poverty, global warming, war, social security, health care; it is the scream of the heart ache of understanding; it is the yell for being empowered and accomplishing what feels like nothing; it is the scream of emotional incompetency still unshaken from childhood; it is the cry for dead loved ones; it is the yelp for dead love; it is the cry for control in an uncontrollable world. It is the cry for someone to fill the hole in the ozone of adulthood. It is the scream that we all let out when we realize that after all we've done and may hope to do, we are in a giant junk yard, wearing trash bags, and standing on a bus that doesn't work.



Monday, November 9, 2009

Dr. Jerry

I'm afraid that I'm falling in love, and I can't fight this feeling anymore. This letter is a small token of the significance of this new relationship. I blotted out the name of the sender per our discussion in "advisory dean lunch" about posting patient information on the Internet. Three cheers for HIPAA.

I saw, EB (this is how the medical/science world refers to a patient in public), last week in my preceptor's office. The first thing that caught my attention on her chart was the fact that she was 93. Yes, 93! The laundry list that followed--pneumonia; breast cancer; lower back surgery; vertigo; diabetes--actually seemed short for someone who has lived through two world wars, two influenza pandemics, two atomic bombs, two towers crashing, two presidents Bush, two panda bears born at the DC zoo. It is like she's lived twice, already.

Anyway, I looked up why she was in today, reviewed some lab values in her chart and entered the exam room. I was expecting someone much...older looking, er, someone with less pep. I expected a walker or cane, or a crumpled husband to be at the patient's side. Instead, there was this feisty old woman sitting upright in the chair giving me the sternest yet friendliest of looks. I shook her hand and took a seat as I introduced myself. I then put her bible sized chart on the counter to my side so I could focus on her and not the 93 yrs of health records straining my arm.

I can't remember the details of the visit as to the specific order of things we covered, but somehow it wasn't long into the visit and we were talking about her restaurant that she owned, that was so, so long ago to her. Even longer back was the divorce of a loveless marriage. Her mother died when she was only 16 (also felt SO long ago for her), leaving a handful of siblings for EB to raise. EB didn't think she would ever marry, at least she would completely take it off the table after the age of 25. Well, luck would have it that at 24 she started dating a young man who eventually proposed to her. She remembers that day at the altar, remembering that she did not love this man, and somehow, the Father understood this, but counseled that this was the right thing to do.

Hello! Can you believe that? This visit started to feel less like I was interviewing a patient and more like I was reading a James Joyce story (The Dead, specifically)! My brain continued with the interview but my mind caught up trying to process the significance of that statement in the patient's life. To live seventy years knowing that you were once married, and divorced of a man you never loved. She went on to tell me more about that situation and others that I would like to write about; but I feel mentioning those things would somehow invade her privacy, even with applying the cloak of anonymity, er, I just want to keep that between us. After the divorce, and back on her own, she dedicated most of her life to raising or caring for extended family, nieces and nephews. A life of total service.

She can't fly on airplanes because of her vertigo. She tires easily, and her hearing is going. She was very supportive of my desire to live to 100, but she had no interest in living another seven years. Despite her indifference over being a centenarian, she seemed so vibrant to me. I don't know, I think she can make it.

There wasn't anything interesting, medically, about this visit. Later that day, and yesterday, I saw some very interesting cases. Cases where I actually knew what I was doing, knew what I was finding on exam. That was really cool. But EB's visit was different. It was one person putting enormous trust into an encounter, the other, putting a lot of honest effort, and hope, and a little bit of expertise; It was two strangers meeting and leaving as friends.

EB stopped in the office the following week to give me this letter. In it was a medallion of the Virgin Mary. It is called the, Miraculous Medal. I am going to keep it in my white coat for as long as I practice, or as long as I wear a white coat, as a reminder of the miracles.

So I'm falling in love with patient care, with internal medicine. I can't help it. And actually, that scares me. I honestly was hoping I'd fall in love with something that pays my loans off. But that is another post...

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Before and Happily Ever After II

It has been so long. And the entry I really wanted to write tonight will have to wait another day. Instead, I hope you find this house update satisfactory.

I closed on the house the day I came back to Rochester, following the escapade in South America. There were nine days remaining before class resumed. I thought about spending that time fishing--something I wouldn't have time for once school kicked up again. But then I thought about how the house was empty, and soon it would be full--well, more full than totally empty; you can't rush furnishings. So I decided to go handyman and refinish the upstairs floors.

Four days of non-stop work from 7:30am to 12:30am and the pictures can show you what we accomplished. Mad props to my momz and Greg and Kamesh and Mac and Miguel for their help on the project. It was slightly less brutal and only possible with their help.

Sorry that the pictures don't match before/after. I wasn't planning on doing any before/after pics. I will try to do that for any future projects. And please overlook the formatting mess. That is another project I am in the middle of, remodeling the white space of el blog. This blog is under construction. Enjoy, but scroll with caution!

Before / After